Me For President

Originally posted 3/14/2011.

I would make a good President
because I would have to be dragged
kicking and screaming to the job

because I am relatively free of the mental defect
that would make me want the job
and that makes me more qualified
than those who usually try and do it

I would make a good President
of these Disunited States
because of all the hot bones in my closet
I’ve been everything at one point or another
and everyone could find in me something to hate
or declare me unfit for the office

I would make a good President
My father’s right off the rez
My mother’s an immigrant
(don’t worry, she got here legally —
not so sure about my dad)
I’ve got the American Dream covered — 
was here
came here
am colonized and
colonizer

I’d make a good President
because I have inhaled
snorted popped booted swallowed
all the good national drugs —
money
fame
casual cruelty to my fellow Americans
I’m on the wagon now but
I still know my way around
a finger flipped in traffic
whether domestic or foreign
(I know my enemies can change
on a dime into allies and back again
from years of merging onto freeways)

I’d make a great President
because I’ve got the allegedly necessary genitalia
for the job
and I don’t look biracial
so I can be slotted without too much fuss
I know how to wink and nudge
and slap a back when a back
needs slapping

I’m not running
If nominated will not run
If elected will not serve
(but boy howdy I’d be good at it)

Oh man you’ll be kicking yourself
next time the vote comes around
that I wasn’t in the race

In fact
I’m thinking of changing my name
to None Of The Above

just to test the waters

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About Tony Brown

A poet with a history in slam, lots of publications; my personal poetry and a little bit of daily life and opinions. Read the page called "About..." for the details. View all posts by Tony Brown

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